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RESOURCES ON RELATIONSHIPS

Reasons Why Your Partner May Not be Hearing You and What You Can Do About It

KUTV’s Fresh Living with Anastasia Pollock, CMHC

Feeling unheard is, at best, very unpleasant and can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and anxiety. Within a relationship it can cause major discord and lead to future communication problems and escalated conflict.  Anastasia Pollock, clinical mental health counselor and clinical director at Life Stone Counseling Centers, sat down with Kari & Brooke on Fresh Living today to talk about how one can improve communication with their partner, and in turn the quality of their relationship. Watch Now!

<p><a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffox13now.com%2F2017%2F08%2F28%2Fask-a-therapist-what-if-my-spouse-wants-me-to-diet-with-them-but-i-dont-want-to%2F&t=MjFjMGM3NjY0YWFmN2U5MTQ5ZjFmNDI1NGM4ZWIzY2MzMTgzZTM2YyxjSWREbDNvag%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165082453011%2Fask-a-therapist-what-if-my-spouse-wants-me-to&m=1"><b>Ask a Therapist: What if my spouse wants me to diet with them, but I don’t want to?</b></a></p><p>Fox 13′s The PLACE with <a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.anastasiapollock.com&t=YWZiZmI2YjVmYjU1Mjk3NTFhY2I1NjAxMWU4ODczZjEzOTIxYmU4OCxjSWREbDNvag%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165082453011%2Fask-a-therapist-what-if-my-spouse-wants-me-to&m=1">Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC</a></p><p>First, I would encourage you to think about why your husband may want 
you to be on the diet with him. I am guessing it is likely because he 
may want support. It is difficult to change eating habits when there are
 tempting sugary or fatty foods in the house so it is often easier for a
 person to make lasting changes when the whole family agrees to make 
changes as well. That being said, it is not necessarily fair to ask you 
to adhere to a diet if you do not want to participate. I would suggest 
doing the following to further explore this issue with your husband. <a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffox13now.com%2F2017%2F08%2F28%2Fask-a-therapist-what-if-my-spouse-wants-me-to-diet-with-them-but-i-dont-want-to%2F&t=MjFjMGM3NjY0YWFmN2U5MTQ5ZjFmNDI1NGM4ZWIzY2MzMTgzZTM2YyxjSWREbDNvag%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165082453011%2Fask-a-therapist-what-if-my-spouse-wants-me-to&m=1">Watch to Learn More</a></p>

Ask a Therapist: What if my spouse wants me to diet with them, but I don’t want to?

Fox 13′s The PLACE with Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC

First, I would encourage you to think about why your husband may want you to be on the diet with him. I am guessing it is likely because he may want support. It is difficult to change eating habits when there are tempting sugary or fatty foods in the house so it is often easier for a person to make lasting changes when the whole family agrees to make changes as well. That being said, it is not necessarily fair to ask you to adhere to a diet if you do not want to participate. I would suggest doing the following to further explore this issue with your husband. Watch to Learn More

<p><b>Pregnancy Survival Guide for Mom and Dad</b></p><p>Fox13′s The PLACE with <a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.anastasiapollock.com&t=NzE0YTFjZDUyOGYwNmE5ODk0MWZkNGI0MDU1YmQxNWFlOTI3ZmE2MSxvTlpXdlFyeA%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=https%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162398999961%2Fpregnancy-survival-guide-for-mom-and-dad-fox13s&m=1">Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC</a></p><p>Pregnancy is an exciting time full of changes. Big changes happen with 
the expectant mom’s body, emotions, and life as she prepares for baby. 
Big changes are also happening for the expectant partner, who is often 
trying to figure out where he fits into the changes of pregnancy and 
having a new baby. Because both parents experience big changes, so does 
the relationship. Pregnancy can be a time that creates more tension in a
 relationship as both partners try to navigate through pregnancy. 
However, if partners are willing to become aware of the potential 
pitfalls and put effort into attending to each other, pregnancy can be a
 time of coming together and strengthening the relationship. Watch to learn
some steps that can help to help your relationship to survive and 
strengthen through the pregnancy process.</p>

Pregnancy Survival Guide for Mom and Dad

Fox13′s The PLACE with Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC

Pregnancy is an exciting time full of changes. Big changes happen with the expectant mom’s body, emotions, and life as she prepares for baby. Big changes are also happening for the expectant partner, who is often trying to figure out where he fits into the changes of pregnancy and having a new baby. Because both parents experience big changes, so does the relationship. Pregnancy can be a time that creates more tension in a relationship as both partners try to navigate through pregnancy. However, if partners are willing to become aware of the potential pitfalls and put effort into attending to each other, pregnancy can be a time of coming together and strengthening the relationship. Watch to learn some steps that can help to help your relationship to survive and strengthen through the pregnancy process.

<p>
<b>5 Things that are Killing Your Sex Life</b><br/></p><p>Fox 13′s The PLACE with <a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.anastasiapollock.com&t=NGYxZTUyZjk3NTA5NmZlN2EwYTFkMDc5MWRlY2RlMzhlOWM4OWQ5MSxMQnFBd25UeQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F158123121421%2F5-things-that-are-killing-your-sex-life&m=1">Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC</a><br/></p><p>Therapist Anastasia Pollock from Life Stone Counseling Center 
talks about the top things that kills passion between a couple. Learn more <a href="http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lifestonecenter.com&t=OTM3MzU5NDg0OTkzZGVlOTU0NjhiNzFmNWU2NzdkNjM3MzgzYmM5NixMQnFBd25UeQ%3D%3D&b=t%3A36zZo-UXAcISLQHlY8YVFA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fanastasiapollock.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F158123121421%2F5-things-that-are-killing-your-sex-life&m=1">here</a>.</p>

5 Things that are Killing Your Sex Life

Fox 13′s The PLACE with Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC

Therapist Anastasia Pollock from Life Stone Counseling Center talks about the top things that kills passion between a couple. Learn more here.

By Triona McMaster, LCSW

As a therapist, I’ve had many opportunities to work with a wide variety of couples.  Here are some things I feel are important to know and understand when approaching couples therapy. 

1: It’s not just communication.
Communication is vital in any relationship, but especially with a significant other.  However, this is often times not the only issue that couples have.  Open communication is an important part of couple’s therapy, but so are understanding, accountability, and compromise.

2: Sooner rather than later.
I’ve seen that a lot of couples avoid therapy like the plague.  I get it, it’s no walk in the park, but neither is being in a tough relationship.  Just like most things in life, it’s better to nip the problems in the bud rather than to deal with a worse outcome.  According to Guidedoc.com, up to 38% of couples who attend marriage therapy get divorced within four years.  I wonder how many of these couples attended therapy when the relationship was already too damaged.

3: Not an invitation to fight.
As much as you just want to be heard, to sell out your partner, and to be told you are right, it’s really not constructive.  Therapy sessions are not a cage match, though I’ve sat through a few that have felt that way.  Therapy sessions are for open and serious discussions, a place to be validated and to take accountability, a place to learn about yourself and your partner, learn techniques to show mutual respect, and strengthen your relationship.

4: Be honest.
Do you really want to work on this relationship?  Are you willing to put in the time and effort to make changes with your partner?  Are you willing to accept weaknesses and take accountability?  Are you ready to give up habits for the sake of your partnership?  If not, couples therapy isn’t for you.  Be honest with yourself, with your partner, and with your therapist.

5: Nobody’s perfect.
Most people are familiar with the term “it takes two to tango”, which is accurate and should be remembered when beginning therapy.  Infidelity and abuse aside, other relationship issues usually stem from what both partners bring to the table.  Both play an active role in developing the culture of the partnership.

6: Have realistic expectations.
Problems in relationships don’t usually happen overnight and neither do the solutions.  According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help.  A lot can build up in that amount of time, so it should be expected that solutions won’t be easy or quick.  Rather, expect that there will be lots of work to do, expect that difficult emotions may need to be felt.  Expect to have open conversations and to take the time to grow your relationship. 

7: Do the work.
If you want therapy to work, than you have to do work.  Your counselor cannot put more effort into your relationship than you do.  The work I mean includes putting forth real effort to practice skills taught.  It includes giving commitment to the relationship, even during the hard times.  It’s about doing what you have to do to get results.

8: Be ready to validate and apologize.
Validating isn’t easy, apologizing isn’t easy, but both are necessary.  Validation is about letting your partner know that they are heard and they you are understanding (or at least trying to understand) their emotions, and their point of view.  Apologizing must be genuine, done in a timely manner, and involves taking accountability. 

9: There will be setbacks.
No matter how much work you do, there will be setbacks.  It’s to be expected and it does not mean that the work you are doing is not working.  Don’t let a slip up slow your progress or thwart your efforts.  “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”. 

10: Trust is not regained overnight.
Trust is a fragile thing.  It’s gained over time and lost in an instant.  Don’t expect your partner to give trust immediately after an indiscretion.  They have every right to be upset, and to doubt. Trust is built in doing the small things, consistently, over time.  Dr. Gottman said “trust is built in very small moments where we have the opportunity to connect or to turn away from our partner”. 

With these ten pieces of advice I hope that you will be more prepared to enter into couple’s therapy.

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